


Fiji Dreams

by WankCity



Category: Black Mirror, Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M, san junipero au, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-04-28 23:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14459919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WankCity/pseuds/WankCity
Summary: The Red Dwarf boys come across an unassuming ship that holds something more important than curry, new clothes, and cleaning supplies. Inside this ship there is human life, well a form of living. Lister needs to make the decision to leave his companions to join this strange afterlife program, called Fiji Dreams, or stay in a world where he is the last human in the universe. There is a certain someone with a pinball smile on the other side that tempts him.





	1. Chapter 1

It's been a long and uneventful week on Red Dwarf; Cat ran out of shiny baubles to adorn himself and was overcome by the overbearing rusty red of the metal walls common on the ship, Lister is forced to eat pot noodle after his Saturday depression binge of curry and lager cleared out the curry stocks, and Kryten has systematically cleaned every square inch of the Dwarf. Lister wouldn’t let Kryten clean him and Cat didn’t want help with grooming so Kryten was boring a hole into the control panel with some caustic liquid and a pristine white rag. All were huddled around the control panel of the Dwarf with the vast space staring back. 

Meanwhile, Rimmer, the smeghead, was quite happy with the humdrum week and chose to dedicate it to studying for the officer’s exam in his and Lister’s quarters. He may be dead, and a hologram, and surrounded by knobs that didn’t know Beethoven from Bach...nevermind all that. Rimmer was going to be somebody. Being Ace was all well and good, it gave him a sort of confidence boost for a short while, but after the bacon-foil shirt and pants came off he fell right back to long noodled limbs Rimmer in no time.

Lister popped up from his slumped position in the piloting seat and said, “Oy, I see a ship not far off from us. You guys want to head towards there? Might be something more interesting than what we are doing now.”

Kryten let out a pleased sigh and said, “Fabulous idea, sir. Imagine all the cobwebs, dust particles, various underwear left fermenting-”

“Gross, cueball, we don’t need to be hearing about musty underthings. I get enough of that just being around monkey boy over here. I’m excited about the possible babes and baubles. Gotta find my best ship hopping suit,” said Cat. He left to one of his many closets. 

Lister was just happy that there was an end to all these bland pot noodles and maybe some new hologames if he was lucky. He wore out the ones he already had and the more explicit ones he saved on very special/lonely days. What he wouldn’t give to see Kochanski’s pinball smile, the nanobot and alternate reality Kochanski just wasn’t the same. He will never be with Kochanski again and, unless they make someone from his rib like that Adam bloke, it’s not like he’s gonna find another human to connect with.

It was all too early to get depressed about the reality of his life and, since Lister was never one to wallow forever like some hologram might, he only drank four lagers. He has to a keep clear head in order to steer Starbug to the other ships’ docking point.

Rimmer finally dragged himself from his timetable he was meticulously coloring in and his space navigation book that he proudly read the introduction of. He was in the zone but the Cat’s wailing about some hideous suit and Kryten’s cries of joy over cleaning didn’t give a good studying environment.

Rimmer walked to the control panel to find Lister in his space hopping suit readying Starbug. He said, “Why is Cat and Kryten acting like total smegs? I’m trying to study because some people actually want to improve themselves. I know some are fine with their curry stained small shorts but-”

Lister interrupted, ”Like you will ever pass the test anyway and anyway who did just fine with themselves? I’m still alive and curry stains never stopped me from having an actual life. You gotta stop trying to prove something. You are just a part of the team as everyone else.” Lister took a chance to breathe in deeply to lose the urge to shake some sense into Rimmer’s head. “We got an abandoned ship near us and, who knows, maybe we can find some weird symphony music for you.” 

Rimmer was a bit pleased that he was thought of Lister thinking about him, but of course he couldn’t show it. “I guess I will lead this expedition. You’ll need someone with excellent planning skills. First of all you need more rope if-”

“Arn, I got this under control.” Lister tightened his grip on the rope.  
“No I insist”. Rimmer tugged the rope back. It was gonna be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

The ride over to the other ship was uneventful and smooth. Kinda made Lister wish there was some sort of asteroid belt to wizz about, space dust, or stray toilet seats. The lack of distraction also meant it gave more time for Cat to whine and bicker with Rimmer. So, Lister downed his emergency stash of lager.

While boarding the mystery ship they were rather confused in what they saw because there wasn’t the usual dust piles or personal effects from past lifeforms. There were no chairs and, the further they went, they could not find one bedroom, bathroom, anything that is needed for the usual ship. Instead, the whole ship was filled with the blinking lights of computers still working after thousands of years.

“Sirs, I believe we are on a ship that was never meant to hold people, at least not for long periods of time. This must be one of those Alexandria ships. You humans were so upset over the lost information after the fires of the library of Alexandria that you eventually made ships filled with all of Earth’s knowledge to send out into space,” Kryten said.

Rimmer scowled and flared his nose. He said, “That can’t be right you goit! There was still the internet around. You don’t need a whole ship taking extra space! No way grubby Earth was about to spend extra money they didn’t need to.”

“Not necessarily, you must remember that I have been activated longer than you have been. There was a war on net neutrality that led to such ships being sent into space. It made sense for them to be held in space because then the information withheld could not be controlled and could go uncensored. It was sort of how back in the day there was international maritime law, of course that went away when worldwide flooding and trash islands became common.” Kryten was a bit smug when he said this. He did so enjoy making Rimmer red in the face.

Cat zoned out during most but was delighted to hear the word ‘uncensored’. “You’re telling me that this computer is a free for all?! I might get some quality stuff out of this and get some images for those lonely nights. It’s not easy being surrounded by such drab creatures, such as yourselves.” Cat snubbed his nose, gestured to the others, and popped his collar. “And if this computer can be interactive I might get some time with a fine babe that can appreciate me.” Rimmer was getting fed up with all of this but before he could mock Cat Lister found something he recognized and let out a shout of joy.

“Guys, you are not going to believe this. This is brutal...this computer is running a program, constantly, and this little round boy is the receiver. You put this on your temple and you’re ready to play. This looks way better than the trial one I’ve done.”

“How did a grotty bum like you get to try out that?” Rimmer spat out. Lister was a bit surprised about how horrible he’s been acting lately. He was fine for that one week but now he’s like before he died.

“Well, I did alpha testing for the company making the VR program, or at least something like this. It was good pay, especially since I was the first human to test it and there was no guarantee I would live, but it helped pay for my gran’s funeral.” Poor gran is long gone and Earth most likely with her, but Lister didn’t want to dwell too much on it. This all was supposed to distract him from his negative thoughts.

Rimmer saw Lister’s hunched shoulders and distant look in his eyes, already he went too far. He does like Lister but Rimmer’s need for control and superiority makes him a nightmare. No more chummy Ace, a guy that could afford to be chummy because everyone saw him as a god. Real Rimmer was a nobody, a hologram copy of his former self, and somehow he was the biggest loser of the band of losers. It was time to show his belly.

“I’m sorry that...um...your loss is…” Rimmer rubbed his hands, twisted his long sleeves, “what I mean to say…”

“I get it Arn, it don’t matter anymore. Nothing really does... Whelp let’s see what’s on here,” and just as Lister finished his sentence he placed the receiver on his temple. Lister’s body went limp and fell to the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

Lister was sitting in paradise, there was beautiful white sand and the crystal clear ocean. The salty air soothing him down to the bones and heat from the sun warming him up. He missed the sun so much; Red Dwarf gets pretty drafty and it isn’t wise to waste fuel when there is always some emergency happening. Unbeknownst to him someone familiar was walking towards him to greet him.  
“Welcome to Fiji,” Kochanski said. Lister whipped around so fast that his dreads smacked his face. Kochanski alive! And she looked just like she always had, except she has a glow to her and her face is more relaxed. Working on Red Dwarf stressed her out. Wait a minute, FIJI?!

“I made it! I mean I know I didn’t really make it home, to Earth. But I made it to Fiji after all these years!” Lister felt jolts of excitement all around his body that made him shake like a chihuahua.

“It couldn’t have been that long to get here. You still look pretty young,” said Kochanski. She noticed that Lister got a little pudgier and had a gray hair or two. She was pretty happy to see him. “How did you die?” 

“Oh,” Lister was a bit shocked by her question but it makes sense. Everyone on the database must be dead. “I’m not dead, my crew found the ship with this program in it.” Kochanski’s smile froze. She backed away a bit from him. Lister got up and tried to make soothing motions towards her.

Her voice shook, “No one in this program is supposed to be alive. This isn’t meant to sustain a living organism. You can’t stay here.” Lister’s heart dropped to his knees.

“But I just got here! I know VR, I’ve done loads of down time in VR. I just want to get a chance to see Fiji and talk to you. Please.” Lister pleaded and his adorable chipmunk cheeks made Kochanski want. She doesn’t know how long it has been since she saw him, and she knows their relationship before went down the shooter, but she wanted to spend one more day with him.

“OK, one day,” Lister perked up. “BUT! Only ONE day. You can’t sweet talk me out of this. It’s unhealthy to be in here for long periods of time when you are alive; your real self needs sustenance. So, tell me what has been going on since I last seen you. From what I remember you brought a cat on board and got locked up in the cryofreezer.”

Lister was surprised to hear that she didn’t remember all that they went through after that, but she must be only the original Kochanski. So, no nano!Kochanski and no alternative reality one. “Krissy, it’s been three million years.”

“But how?,” Kochanski was visibly disturbed, “Why so long? We should have let you out when our mission was done. Was there no one else to get you out of stasis?... I know a lot of the crew died but none of us are exactly sure how... I...I don’t...wait who is part of your crew now? I mean if you have one still” 

“There was a radiation leak that someone didn’t fix in time, and I was forced to stay in stasis because there is no emergency shuttle program when things like that happen. I am the last human in the universe with three impossible crew members. Remember Rimmer?” Kochanski nodded and scowled,” well the tosser was booted up to keep me sane.” She chuckled a bit at the idea of Rimmer, a man who drove Lister up the wall while alive, was supposed to keep him sane. “And my old moggy’s descendant is some weird anthropomorphic cat dude.”

“Wait, a furry? A catboy?” Kochanski wondered more on the logistics or a cat humanoid, would the males have certain spiky features as their predecessors. She cringed all over.

Lister gave off a belly laugh. “You and your weird obsession with old Earth subcultures. He isn’t a cat much, he has the teeth for it and the instincts, but he’s pretty human like. And we got an android named Kryten. I wish you could see them and meet them. 2 out of 3 of the crew you are sure to like.”

“I thought that some others were alive, but opted out joining the program later,” said Kochanski. Wait, that reminded Lister that the other crew must be in this program. He looked around on his small island with its tall palm trees and warm sand. 

“Where is everyone else?” asked Lister.

“Oh, you are gonna enjoy this, Dave. We are actually having a party. I come to this spawning point whenever we get an alert of a new presence. The party is for the new arrival, you! You must not stay for long here but you should come to say a proper goodbye to the crew.” With that she grabbed his arm and hauled him beyond the palm trees. There was no way that Lister could tell her no, he never could.

But meanwhile, on the other side of things, Rimmer was freaking out.


	4. Chapter 4

“It's been like 4 hours since he's been in that rusting obsolete space junk!” Rimmer was tearing out his hair and his nostrils flared like a startled Clydesdale. “How do we turn this thing off! What if he stays in there forever?!” 

Kryten went into Drill Sergeant Mode and grabbed Rimmer’s shoulders hard enough to bruise. “Listen up, smeeee-head. You need to calm down. The only way out of the program is for the person inside to choose to leave. So we either wait and hope Mr. Lister chooses to leave or you go in there after him,” Kryten clicked his heels and gave Rimmer a small salute.

Rimmer was shocked for a good two seconds but soon snapped out of it to form his trademark sneer. “I thought I told you to remove that program. A hopped up space mop shouldn’t hold such authority like that.” Cat rolled his eyes hard once and, when he saw he wasn’t getting the attention he deserved, he leaned into Rimmer’s face and did it again.

“Whatever, goalpost head. We all know you have a thing for domination, we know about the low version of you,” said Cat. Rimmer was affronted but couldn’t deny any of it. “Besides, let’s forget about this dom nonsense and focus on something good, like me! I put on this wonderful suit and no one is here to see me!” Cat pulled out his mirror and started throwing shapes, the retro look sometimes is the best. “And I guess you gotta go in there to get Lister out, he may stink, but he’s the only fun one on this ship.”

Rimmer snapped back, “I’m sooo glad that you thought of someone else for a change, even though it still ended up being about you,” Rimmer straightened his shirt and tugged on his frizzy hair again, bringing it to new heights. “Ok, Kryten, why does it have to be me. I mean you are a machine, can’t you figure out how to work through the program.”

Kryten starts to sob, hunching his shoulders inwards. “I would sir, but I don’t have my data in the program and this system is a locked one. There is no way to change the data, but it seems like your data is already there and your holographic form will be accepted.”

Rimmer did his best Ace pose, puffing out his chest and spreading his legs wide. He looked like a knobhead. “I guess someone will have to save the day and that person will have to be me.” Inside he was shitting bricks. What if he couldn’t get Lister out? How was he supposed to survive without him? And what if Kryten and Cat decide that he isn’t necessary anymore if Lister isn’t coming back. He didn’t have much time to back out, Kryten already hooked him into the program.

Meanwhile, in Fiji Dreams a party was truly kicking off. Lister was ecstatic to see all his drinking mates; Peterson, Selby, and Chen again. It was dead boring and depressing to drink alone. Before he knew it he was doing keg stands, something he wasn’t able to do in years, and Monopoly bar hopping like old times with his Earth buddies, maybe he will find him in the party? The program was pretty extensive. Being in the program made him feel young again and the drinks not only got his soused but also tasted fantastic. It was way better than the recycled piss they have been drinking that one time when water supplies got real low, the damn thing was barely recycled.

Kochanski was happy to see the friends reunited, she would hate to have to explain why Lister couldn’t stay, but it wasn’t his time. He has a chance to live his life. Fiji Dreams what great and all but it was just a dream. Nothing bad really happened and when it did it was easily remedied. She really missed the constant conflict and challenges are space. She wasn’t really ready for the quiet life, but she didn’t want to leave the program until she could say her goodbyes to all the crew. This day wasn’t just a one-day reunion, but also a final farewell to her beloved crew. She hopes that two losses in one day won’t be too much for them.

In the distance there was a sound of a doorbell chiming. Who else was trying to come into the program? Kochanski didn’t want to waste one moment away from Dave and the crew, so she sent off a message to their local hermit, he needed to get out of his hut anyway. Maybe he will meet someone similar to him. It’s kind of sad how she couldn’t help him even after all these years they been dead. It’s so weird that in a paradise two people, counting herself, were unhappy.


	5. Chapter 5

Rimmer has been waiting for a good bloody minute on the sandy beach. The sun would give him blisters if he had real skin, with how hot it was, and it seemed every grain of sand were getting into his crevices. It was all very strange because he was used to not feeling anything, and then only gaining some of that feeling back through his hard lightbee. His body can now feel 100% in this program, and Rimmer can’t say that he missed it. 

He was informed beforehand that he wouldn’t be able to move away from the spawning beach if he wasn’t greeted. Of course, he already tried to leave the area but found some sort of force field was set up around the perimeter. Before Rimmer finished aligning the surrounding shells in his area into tidy lines, organized by color then size, he heard a distant crash by the perimeter. It had to have come from the palm trees.

Even in a program he doesn’t put his guard down, even the most incessant of things could be dangerous. He learned as Ace that it is better to assess the situation than go guns ablazing, especially when the person already have your position and you have no guns. The crash sounded hard, must have a good amount of weight, and must be close. Rimmer goes to his usual tactic, on his belly to reduce his visibility to the unidentified person, and slithers over to the trees. Once he gets closer he moves to a crouch and, when he reaches where he thinks the noise came from, he gets face to face with something unexpected. Himself.

It didn’t occur to him that him dying would mean that he would be in the program. He knew that everyone signing up to Red Dwarf had their information loaded on the computer in case they had to be made into a hologram, but he never heard of this program before. It was only in beta when they died, if Lister was to be believed. Kryten said that Rimmer’s data was in the program but Rimmer doesn’t remember signing up for any such thing. What if there were more people from Red Dwarf here? And what was he going to do with his passed out self.

It wasn’t like Rimmer knew where he was. He knew he was on some version of Fiji, but he never really studied Earth’s geography, and given global warming, there wasn’t much of Fiji to study anyway. Who knows how close this island was anyway.

Pulling himself together Rimmer grabbed his double and gave him a big shake. No one in the program can really get hurt, right? Must all be in the mind. His program double eyes flutter open.

PD Rimmer let out a big moan and said, “Why even in death do I somehow bring myself pain? And it appears that I’m going crazy now, well crazier.” PD Rimmer must have been away from people too long and is now hallucinating the only person he sees on a regular basis, himself. Not that he talks to himself in the mirror every morning and meal time. But something was off about this new Rimmer. He appeared taller somehow.

“You aren’t crazy. And I feel like this is all going to get convoluted, so just call me Arnold. I am you, but a hologram outside of this program,” said Arnold.

“A hologram. SMEGGING GREAT! We must have been promoted posthumously for something really important since only the highest ranking are brought back as a hologram.“ Rimmer was so excited that he somehow achieve his officer goals, even though it took him dying. He is a little iffy on the rest of the Red Dwarf crew since he never kept up with anyone other that Kochanski, even then it was through messages on his data screen.

Arnold grimaces, Rimmer was brought back as a hologram for a job but not anyone that he thought he would be activated for. Arnold said, “Everyone died and no one promoted me, to my knowledge,” Rimmer deflated like a beach ball pierced by a lost porcupine. “I was turned on so that the only survivor of Red Dwarf can be kept sane.”

“Who survived?” Rimmer looked intensely interested, but he was mostly interested to see if he outranked the survivor.

“Dave Lister,” said Arnold, “Remember he was put into cryostasis because he smuggled a cat on board? It saved him, but of course he always breaks the rules and does dangerous things with little to no consequence. He’s probably will live on for another hundred years.” That thought made Arnold softly smile.

“Ugh, so that Rastabilly Stank wannabe is still giving you trouble? He is below us and still doesn’t give us any respect! We are the highest ranking crew member left, we should be revered,” said Rimmer. Arnold rolled his eyes hard. He never realized he was that obsessed with ranking, no wonder no one gave him the time of day before his death. After his time as Ace he is glad to not to be the leader anymore and grew to enjoy being equal with his crew. He still was his prickly self, but he definitely doesn’t truly want to lead anymore. Maybe in bed though.

“There has been some time since our death. I am here to keep Lister sane. If I can’t find Lister in this program and get him out soon, then my reason for being is null and void,” said Arnold. It disgusted Rimmer how dependent he became to his smelly roommate. But sometimes Lister can be beguiling with his chipmunk cheeks, his cocky grin, and his soft hands... He had to stop that train of thought right away. Having Lister here was dangerous, and he needed to leave right away. He also needed to get rid of his weird double. It made him question how real he was, and he has enough of that on a regular basis.

“If you want him back you can keep him. Let’s go,” said Rimmer. Finally, thought Arnold, they were getting somewhere. He can’t stand being with this other self. It really made him think too much about how real, to himself, his holographic form was.


	6. Chapter 6

“Yo, chrome-dome,” said Cat, highly agitated. “I know you are really worried about our walking curry stain, but I think you polished the whole ship and I think the rust was the only thing holding this rust-bucket together. So, lay off.” Cat was preening himself nervously, at least his nervous tic wasn’t about to destroy their surroundings. If he didn’t stop Kryten now the dumb android might start scrubbing the motherboard and Lister will never be able to come back. Rimmer he could live without, but Lister was actually fun and living with Kryten, alone, would cramp his style and Cat might never get with a busty beauty.

Kryten took some deep, artificial breaths and gave his head a quick shake. He wished that he brought his other head instead, the other one was way more level-headed and brave. “Mr. Lister has been unconscious for twelve hours now. I re-positioned him seven times but there is no place I can comfortably place him. He will be fine without food since he ate before we came here but I don’t exactly trust Rimmer, he probably will make Mr. Lister stay in the program so that he can call himself the captain.”

Cat rolled his eyes and started buffing his nails to sharp points. “You and I know that captain wannabe will never be top cat. And besides, Lister will come back because he will miss my glowing presence!” He gave himself a toothy grin in his compact mirror.

“Somehow I doubt he will be thinking of you when he is in paradise,” said Kryten.

“What did you say?,” asked Cat. He was picking loose threads from his cape.

“Oh, nothing,” said Kryten.

Both were really afraid that they might have lost half of their crew to a glitchy program. Half of their family lost to them forever because Lister wanted a chance at paradise. Both wondered why they weren’t enough for Lister. Rimmer used to be expendable in the beginning but both, very deep down, would really miss his neurotic ways. Cat would miss pranking him and Kryten would miss knocking down his ego, but they would really miss the times Rimmer screws up some courage and becomes a hero similar to his alter ego Ace.

Right now that was just what Arnold was trying to do. He doesn’t know how time really works in Fiji Dreams, but he wasn’t going to waste it with internal conflict. That can repressed like everything else. 

It was quick and easy to find the party but Lister himself was hard to find. Many of the crew members were surprised to see local hermit Rimmer, but they were doubly surprised to see his double. Did he have a twin? Everyone was trying to get Rimmer to drink and join their card games. Sure the guy was a loser but everyone was dead so it wasn’t like things mattered anymore. Rimmer was shocked from all the attention he was getting and Arnold was getting impatient so he left Rimmer with some crew members.

Arnold went over to the bar to find Lister’s friends from before the radiation leak. His memory was fuzzy and jumbled about astronavigation, but he remembers Lister’s friends all too well. He had many memories of being sellotaped, upside down, to the messroom’s wall and all the pantsing in the hallways.

Olaf Peterson was by the food table with a case worth of empty beer cans surrounding him. He was cracking open another cold one with his boys Selby and Chen. They were deep into the BLT quiche Olaf made and were discussing their wild sexy alien stories. Olaf was giving explicit details on the use of tentacles when Arnold decided to barge in on the conversation.

“Everyone knows that there are no actual aliens in this universe. Closest thing we got are the GELFs. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a few tentacles but they are far from sexy,” interjected Rimmer. Olaf popped off his seat in shock.

Olaf scrambled off the floor and asked, bewildered, “Rimmer? What are you doing here? I didn’t take you as a social type, I mean you been in that shack of yours for like a million years.”

“More like three, but let’s get off that topic. I’m gonna be quick about this, where is Lister?” asked Arnold. The guys gave each other pointed looks. They had a long running bet about those two when they were all alive, and they were wondering who would win. 

Selby piped up, “He was just here drinking and playing some cards, but he went on with Kochanski.” He was sure he would win the bet, if Kochanski was still in the picture there was no way Lister would choose a stiff like Rimmer. 

Arnold should have known, he felt like an idiot. Kochanski was one of Lister’s impossible goals and already this program made one of Lister’s dreams come to life. How was he supposed to bring Lister back if he had all his friends, a close copy of Fiji, and his girl with the pinball smile? But he can’t fail like all those other times. There is no scapegoat for him to hide behind this time.

“Where might Ms. Kochanski be at the moment?” asked Arnold. He drew himself ramrod straight with both hands behind his back so Lister’s friends would not see him rub his wrists raw.

Chen said, “I’m pretty sure they went off to Kochanski’s hut. You can tell it’s hers because it has no decorations, nothing. It’s a few minutes walk in that direction.” Chen pointed behind himself and slightly to the left. “Wait a minute, are there two of you? How much did I drink?” Arnold was too busy running to Kochanski’s hut to answer his question. Everything can sort itself out without him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter for a change. I didn't really look over the story so there might be some more errors than usual. I just really need to upload this.

Rimmer didn’t have to walk far to find Kochanski’s hut. It was the drabbest thing in this program and seeing it made the rest of Fiji Dreams even more eye-searingly bright. There was no tacky Hawaiian print, no tiki torches, and no bar with the drinks with the tiny umbrellas, which Rimmer secretly liked. In its stead was a simple straw hut, with no windows, and a low door. Every other hut on the path had beads hanging down from the entrances, or cloth, or some feathered adornments. Kochanski’s hut is perfectly made, like everything else in Fiji Dreams, but with no personality. This didn’t mesh well with what he knew about Kochanski.

Back on Dwarf when Lister and Kochanski were dating the slob would always mention how warm and comforting her room was. Her with her nice fur rug, synthetic fireplace, and her thousand ferns. Her warms hands and sweet words. And Rimmer’s lips would twist and spew sour words. He would organise his cold, steel desk. He would look to his small bed made with sterile hospital corners and his one hard pillow. He wasn’t made to be warm, Rimmer doesn’t remember ever being warm when he was alive. And now that he is dead he knows he never will get the chance.

Rimmer moved in closer but was startled by raised voices inside the hut. He saw Lister holding Kochanski close with his gentle hands brushing over her lips. His eyes were shining and he had his stupid shy grin he always got around Kochanski.

“I know you are iffy about how I came here and we both know what I am choosing if I stay, but I just want you to know I’m not making a mistake. You won’t be hearing any whining from me because this place is my dream, like someone knew exactly what I wanted. Everyone I love is here, my friends, and most importantly you. You know I still love you and living here, and on any form of Earth, would make me happier than I have been in all these years after the...well you know.” Lister’s words felt like needles to Rimmer, every single one digging deeper in him until all he felt was numb. 

Lister will be fine here and, as Rimmer draws closer; the sentimental fool he is deep down, he looks at Lister’s face for one last time. One last glimpse at a stupidly happy Lister to take with him, so that he can hold on to that image while Rimmer shuts himself down.. How can he take away Lister’s dream, Lister’s happiness? Rimmer’s life has always led to him running away from his problems, his insecurities, his wants. The thoughts will always be chasing him, but he hopes that making Lister happy will give him some peace of mind. So he runs.

What Rimmer didn’t know was that Kochanski did not fall into Lister’s arms like she had in every other cycle of reality. This Kochanski was tired, tired from the years of this “paradise”. Her blood doesn’t sing anymore. Sure she wasn’t ever some amazing space pirate or space hero, at least not in this reality, but she still risked her life everyday by just living on that ship. The stars weren’t the same here. This program wasn’t really made for her in mind. She wasn’t one to choose the easy life, not after all the hard work she had to do to become who she was.

Kochanski. in a hushed tone, said, “Lister, I know that you still have feelings for me after all these years. But you must remember the years I have gone without you is like the grains of sand on a beach, almost unmeasurable. Time is different here and I have grown tired of being. I cannot lie and call this living.” She went over to Lister and cradled his head to her chest. She felt his hot tears trailing down her collarbones.

“But, Kristie. I’m here now. You make me so happy and I know I can make you happy, too. We were meant to be, in love, even in another dimension,” Lister sobbed. It made Kochanski’s heart sting but she was resolved in her decision.

“But that is another dimension with some real form of life. Here can barely be called living, because without the bitter disappointments we can never appreciate the sweet surprises. I’m sick of this saccharine construct, because that is what this is, it is just a construct. Besides, I’m not the only one that can make you happy. You have a crew that have stayed with you through all those crazy adventures you told me about.”

“But Krissy, no one knows me like you,” Lister pleaded. Kochanski let go of Lister and backed herself onto her cot.

She said, “I don’t think I know you, not anymore. You had chance to change, grow. Meanwhile, I just died and death doesn’t really allow for character growth.” She wiped one last tear from Lister’s face and he gave out a broken chuckle.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Krissy. I don’t think some people can really live until they’ve died. I’m mean look at Arnie. He really came together and can be a decent guy most times. He still has his Rimmerness to him but he is way more thoughtful and less selfish. I think being Ace for a bit got him a taste of leadership. Arnie isn’t so obsessed or controlling anymore...he’s a real boy now.” Lister chuckles over that thought, he found it really funny that Rimmer became more...real...after becoming a hologram.

Kochanski smiled at Lister, who was too swept up in his own thoughts. She knew then that she was making the right decision. She walked back into his space, feeling his body heat for one last time, and gives him one final kiss. A chaste but overwhelming kiss.

She gives out a huffing sob and lets her tears flow. Her face still so close to Listers and she softly whispered, “You are going to great without me. You have such a big heart, ready to love everyone and make everyone around you love you,” Kochanski’s voice wavered a little bit but she called upon her strength to continue, “I know that your crew love you and will be really sad to lose you and I know you will regret staying here...because you are not just in love with me, but you’re in love with Rimmer.”

Lister lets out a gruff laugh that seemed to propel his whole body away from her. How did she come up with that idea? Did this program take in all his thoughts and dreams...like that dream he had when he was so lonely and missing Arn? He was meant to be with Krissie. They were the star crossed lovers driven apart by death and time. But they were above all that and he was so willing to give his life for her.

But he entertained the almost forbidden dream for a minute. Lister with Rimmer living together, after all their adventures. Them bickering and Lister growing more soft around the middle. He will have his snow colored dreads but Rimmer will look the same as when he met him on Mimas. It would hurt Rimmer to watch Lister slowly die. It would be cruel to attach Rimmer to his slowly dying form. He told as much to Krissie.

“Love is bittersweet like that. We are not promised today or tomorrow. You could be killed in a regular starship raid by those GELFs. I just want you to stop lying to yourself. There is a reason why you never transferred out of your shared room with Rimmer. You had tons of friends that you could have stayed with while on the ship, but you still stayed with a man that got so worked up over a stupid exam that he landed himself in the infirmary for weeks. You stayed with him during your breaks, I know you did. I know you tried to be sneaky but you aren’t the most subtle person. Didn’t help that you left curry stains on his sheets,” Kochanski threw in that last joke to try and soften the rest of her words for Lister.

Lister winced and felt a twinge of long held guilt towards that memory. Rimmer could have studied better if Lister didn’t insist on playing his guitar. Maybe Rimmer could have retained some facts if he wasn’t constantly being bullied. But Lister knew a lot of that episode had to do with Rimmer’s own self-sabotage ways. It all still led to Lister eating his daily curries next to the resting Rimmer. He left whenever Rimmer stirred from his medicated sleep. Rimmer’s teasing always used to lead to school boy rage from Lister and would just make Lister’s feelings more confusing.

“How am I supposed to go about all this? Even if I do feel love for Rimmer he would probably laugh in my face. Or become afraid of me and think I am less...less of a man. I don’t care about the gender of my lover but Rimmer had a horrible family that left their mark on him, and it is still a work in progress even now.”

Kochanski grabbed Lister by the shoulders and laid down her last words to him, “You have to take a chance because if you don’t you will regret it. You will always wonder what could have been and you will always be holding back a self of yourself so that Rimmer can feel comfortable. Only being half of yourself will forever cripple you and it will make Rimmer’s mission of keeping you sane impossible. And he already has so many impossible expectations pressed upon him from his family’s specters.” She gave Lister a good shove out of her hut. “You know what to do.”

Lister, before he could start second guessing, turned off his receiver. And when he woke up he saw the elated face of Kryten, the haughty face of Cat, but couldn’t find Rimmer. He frantically got up from the cot they laid his body on. They must have taken that from Starbug. He felt so weak and almost fell to his knees without Kryten’s assistant. Lister had to calm himself down, Rimmer must be in Starbug or something. He asked, “Kryten, where is Rimmer?”

Kryten went to speak but Cat spoke over him, “He never came back! Which is a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. I know you like the dude but I’m way more interesting than that goal-post head.” Kryten winced at Cat’s cavalier attitude.

Kryten, ever the diplomatic one said, “I’m sure that he will be coming back shortly. He did bring you back here to us anyway.”

This shocked Lister, “Wait, he went in there, but he’s a hologram! How is he gonna get out? The program isn’t made for that type of travelling! I have to go back and get him.” Before either of his crew could protest Lister’s body slumped back down. Lister was back in the program.


	8. Chapter 8

Rimmer felt dejected and aimlessly walked back towards the party, which was surprisingly still going strong. He needed to get to the spawning point and get out of here. Someone tugged on his arm and that brought his head flying up, something that would have pulled a muscle if he was actually alive. It was the other Rimmer.

“Hey, holoRimmer. Where’s Lister?” Arnold didn’t want anyone to know how much of a failure he was, but he was gonna have to face the Cat and Kryten when he gets out of this program. Plus, this Rimmer knew his past fully so it’s not like he can put up a front. This Rimmer might be the only one to fully understand how he feels about his lifetime of failure.

“You better learn to like seeing his face again because he’s gonna be a permanent fixture,” Arnold spewed out quickly. “Him and Kochanski are back on so be ready for his caterwauling and the horrible screeching he makes by torturing his guitar. I have no reason to exist anymore. The rest of the crew outside of this program will never forgive me for failing and I will never forgive myself.”

Rimmer sneered at Arnold and let out a laugh worthy of the upper crusts from Io. “You can’t just give up that easily. We have taken that damn useless astronavigation exam at least a thousand times. We had several mental breakdowns because of it, but we still went back for another helping of disappointment. I am way more selfish than this. Where is the Rimmer that doesn’t care for other people’s happiness? It’s a dog eat dog world and we already have all the shit flung at us from birth.”

Arnold was so shocked by how much he had changed since he died. This Rimmer didn’t care if Lister was happy or not. He didn’t feel a connection with Lister and probably has no connection with the people in the program either, other than their shared reason for dying. This man is obsessed about looking the best and wouldn’t fail for someone else to get their time in the sun. He didn’t ever get to be Ace. He didn’t save all those planets, people, families. 

He didn’t understand the long time of being soft light. Arnold was never comforted by touch in his lifetime. The only touch he got was the beatings from his father. Or that one time with his uncle that he doesn’t even want to think about. Or the fumbling around with poor McGruder.

Being unable to feel gave him a moment of invulnerability, but quickly ended up making him feel more powerless. He couldn’t be hurt but he also had to rely on others to do things for him. That time of trusting others made him realize that some people were really worthy of trust...and love. When he got the hardlight bee he really wanted to hug or touch Lister in some way. But he never did, not even when he came back from being Ace. Lister didn’t even try to hug him, it was like something was holding him back.

Arnold will never get to hug Lister and open himself to the possibility of mutual love ever again. This old version of Rimmer didn’t even seem to understand the concept of love. “It’s not just about the mission. Bringing Lister back will make the crew happy, but if Lister isn’t happy that will bring down the whole team’s morale. You are the only one I am ever going to tell because I know you will be too embarrassed to tell anyone else. I...love Lister. He gets on my nerves with his music and his slovenly ways, but he is there for me in ways I never thought he could. He is a great partner and co-leader. He understands people and can get anyone to love him, so I really shouldn’t be surprised that I ended up loving him, too.”

Rimmer’s eye popped out, his face slacken, and his faced colored to a stunning crimson; all of this was making him resemble a dumb toad recently struck by a four wheeler. He took a minute or five to gather himself. And his face became one of wonderment, like the boy he never got to be. 

Rimmer asked, “You truly love him?,” Arnold gives a strong nod. “I always thought ‘somewhere, in all of space and time there has to be a place where I am loved and I love’. You can’t let Lister go. This might be the only chance, the only universe where that can be true.” Rimmer’s words broke Arnold’s heart all over again. This program, this trip took all of Arnold’s strength and wrung him dry. But he had to give on version of himself hope.

“You still have time, all the time you want. You are worthy of love, even though we never received it from our family. I’ve learned family isn’t created through blood, but through genuine connections. It is built through trust and faith,” when Arnold said those final words he took Rimmer into his arms and gave him the hug both of them never had. It was long, warm and a bit wet from the tears coming from them both.

Rimmer was surprised but happy that this version of himself found a way to be vulnerable. Arnold is just Rimmer, but with a great crew that only grew closer over the years. He did still have a chance, maybe instead of blaming everyone for his lack of friends he should try and be vulnerable for once. Also, he wasn’t going to let the more improved Arnold give up.

“Sometimes you should really listen to yourself. Most times we are paranoid and self hating, but this time I think you got something. It isn’t too late for you too. Just go back to Kochanski’s hut and take him. He doesn’t belong here, not only is he not dead, but he still has a life and family back on the other side. We will be happy to have him when he is ready, but right now complete your mission.” Rimmer’s speech bolstered the little energy Arnold had left.

“I will find him and bring him to the other side, but you have to promise me you will stop only hoping for the happiness of the other versions and you. You have to find your family. Lister’s friends weren’t bad people, maybe a drink or two will loosen you up.” Rimmer let out a loud, involuntary laugh, but gave it a second thought. It isn’t like he really have to impress anyone anymore. 

Rimmer didn’t think hard on what he did next, he has been overthinking things for too long. He sent Arnold back to Kochanski’s hut and he walked over to the bar where Peterson was tending. And he let out a tentative ‘hello’. Baby steps.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> didn't edit bc im a swamp monster so sorry for glaring mistakes and tangents that really need taking out. i just needed to update before i just never do

“How inconsiderate, he couldn’t even take a moment to eat the vindaloo I have saved for a special occasion. He just jumped right back into the program,” said Kryten.

“He’s gonna need to take a Cat ™ nap when he gets back. All this hopping about from program to the ship is doing my head in, and I’m not even the one doing it. I think I’m gonna go back to Red Dwarf and do some resting,” Cat said with a strong yawn.

Kryten perked up, startled. “You can’t leave! We both know that we only have the one shuttle that took us here and if you take it we can’t go back. And you haven’t the slightest idea how to pilot the shuttle. You would probably just press all the shiny buttons."

Cat bared his teeth, “Just because I crashed the last shuttle doesn’t mean I’m totally empty-headed. I got keen senses, all you really need to pilot a rust-bucket. I’m sure you guys will be just fine without me. If you’re so afraid of me piloting and forgetting you guys, why don’t you drop me off at the Dwarf?”

Kryten fidgeted for a long moment and opened his mouth making an odd humming noise. “I suppose that is a good idea. Your boredom is 60% the cause of most dangerous events that happen to us.”

“You see, there is more to me than just a pretty face!” Cat said with a smarmy smile. He clapped a hand onto Kryten and Kryten shook his head in response. Not much can go wrong if he just keeps an eye on Cat.

Meanwhile, in the program: Lister was running about like a headless GELF trying to find Rimmer. He never was so annoyed about how detailed and expansive the program was. When he landed in the program he wasn’t even escorted like last time. Krissy must already shuffled on out; that thought made him feel a pulsating pain in his core.

Luckily, Lister wasn’t as forgetful as he liked to pretend and found his way back to a dying party. Kind of good because he could get people’s attention better without battling the harsh noise of partying, but bad because there wasn’t really anyone there. He just hoped that his mates would still be hanging around the bar, so he made his way over.

Lister didn’t even have to ask where Rimmer was because as soon as the bar came in sight he saw an image he never thought he would see. Rimmer was laughing, a bit sloshed, and loose. He was having fun and enjoying the program. The dichotomy of Rimmer outside the program and in was so jarring. Maybe no one really needs him and maybe Rimmer deserves paradise. Arn has this glow about him, his brown eyes warm, and his hands flying about; he was without a care in the world. In this program there was no crazy missions and he wasn’t chained down to the crew. 

Lister never liked to ask much about Rimmer’s time as Ace, because he was afraid. He was afraid to hear all the close calls Rimmer had. Especially since Lister was the one to push Arn out of the proverbial nest. But what he was really afraid of was that Rimmer missed being Ace. Lister doesn’t want to get to comfortable around Rimmer, even though Rimmer says he’s done with that life, what if Rimmer changes his mind? And it looks like he did, but not in the way Lister thought he would. Rimmer has found a way to live forever in peace and it looks good on him. And Lister can’t take that away from him.

But Peterson saw Lister. “Eyy, you finished with Krissy!” He waggled his eyebrows salaciously, looking a bit foolish because his eyebrows looked as drunk as he was. Lister also never liked that kind of talk Krissy, not like that in public. Private was totally different, and even then Krissy was to be treasured.

“Watch it Peterson. Wasn’t like that. I just needed to chat with her and I left,” Lister said, he didn’t really want to saw much else. Rimmer turned around in his stool, he looked so soft and his cheeks were feverishly red. 

Rimmer said, “I can kinda see why he likes you. You have that sort of capable, but low effort thing going on. But I guess with a crew like yours he doesn’t have much to pick from. I wonder why he didn’t go for the cleaner one? I know that one is a bit of a pill, and the whole kinda bestiality thing...” Rimmer grimaces. “But hey, it’s love!” Rimmer let out a surprisingly lively cheer and threw back another drink, Peterson was plying him with.

All of this made Lister confused. Was Rimmer talking about Cat and him together? Then again, Lister never seen Rimmer drunk like this, it was impossible when he was soft light and when he became hard light he grew false morals.

“What are you talking about? I see you are finally having some fun, but you do know that holograms aren’t exactly built to be in this program,” Lister said. This drew Rimmer out of his stupor, but only for a bit. However, his eyes were still glazed over from all the fruity drinks he had and his rim-rod posture was replaced a slouching and teetering form. A bit like those car sales air dancer.

“Haha, hologram. Funny dude. Dead is dead is dead is dead. Reminds me a bit of a song you would play when you got sulky over your Krissy. _Late for the love of my life. When I die alone, maybe when I die, I will be on time._ Something like that. So late, I never actually got to the loving after death, but it seemed like a part of me got to,” Rimmer was rambling, and singing? It was a bit adorable.

“You aren’t making any sense Arn. I came to take you out of the program; you might not have notice this, but you can’t exactly leave without an outside escort. I’m gonna be your personal taxi, kinda like how we met.” Thinking about that day was kinda hilarious, even though it kinda led to him being stuck on a spaceship and as the last man in the universe. Rimmer paled at the memory, his damned disguise was so poor and Lister saw the seediest side of him.

“Listen hear, milado. I needed a calm evening with someone, something, respectful. That damn hopper was demeaning and that damn planet was a den of sin. But I’m moving on from that and I don’t need an escort. Go get the other Rimmer if you want to have a Rimmer so badly.”

“The other Rimmer?” This surprised Lister, “There’s two of you?” Rimmer gave his the dirtiest of stink eyes. 

Peterson was getting fed up with all this talk. “Listen, dude. I love you, but this is like the original Rimmer. Your Rimmer is out there looking for you. Rimmer here told me all about it. We all know you always had a thing for Rimmer so don’t expect me to get in the way of that. He’s gotta be at Kochanski’s place, since I thought you were with her.”

Lister didn’t know he was so transparent, also his mind boggled at two Rimmers. They were both the same Rimmer but one seemed stuck in like the amber stuff most bugs were in from the prehistoric times. Stuck in his attitude from before death. He couldn’t stomach another rebooted Rimmer, not like nanoRimmer, even though this was original Rimmer. It was doing his head in and he wasn’t about to think hard on it. His Rimmer was looking for him. That had to mean something.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst at writing consistently. The truth is, I had this chapter all written a month or so back and I already have the ending written. It's the next chapter that is giving me a bit of trouble.

He was going to fight for what he wanted! No more playing the role of the doormat, Rimmer was the master of his own destiny! He really hopes that the program has mercy enough to provide clean pants if he pisses himself.

Rimmer made his way to the entrance of Kochanski’s hut, places his hands behind his back, does his best officer stance his father beat into him, and lets out a polite cough. And another and another. It starts becoming rather rude, less from the chest and more from the head. 

He grows tired from this charade and just decides to walk in. If he hasn’t given the two enough warning of his entrance than it is really their fault. Rimmer really doesn’t want to see the two again in a warm embrace, he might lose his whole spine again.

But when he walks in the hut he finds Kochanski sitting on a small, spacecore regiment bed. She has her head in her hands but when she lifts her head she’s not crying. She looks determined , that is until she sees Rimmer. She jumps from the bed and wipes at non-existentent wrinkles on her shirt.

“Rimmer, you finally got out of that hut of yours? Good for you. I know you never really cared that much about me. but I want to say that you kinda pissed me off too; you closed yourself off from everyone that you couldn't benefit from. Even after death.

But I was also a little sorry for you. You were always alone and here you are still alone. I wish I was a better person and be there for you but I can't.”

Rimmer’s face blooms a deep crimson, Kochanski was quite astute with her observation. “I just wanted to be noticed. Some people come from bad families, like mine, and they find a way to overcome it all. But some...it's harder. It took me dying and another decade or so just to get it right. And even now I'm still a bit messy. I see a therapy droid on the ship now though.” he said this all with his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Rimmer was quite proud of his progress. The droid was perfect for him. It was made to listen, didn't have any facial expressions that he could overanalyze, and gave long explanations when Rimmer needed them without any rude comments.

“Oh? I wasn't aware there were droids like that. And on a ship? Here?” Kochanski perks up, thinking about what she missed in the program, but soon realizes who shes really talking to.

“Oh, wait. You must be the other Rimmer. You just missed Davie, he isn't here anymore.”

He felt his lightbee heat up, it was like sticking a knife into a toaster. Of course, when he drummed up some courage Lister was nowhere to be found. Rimmer was useless, and Lister saved himself again. But no. Rimmer wasn't supposed to think like that anymore. He would just have to chase after Lister, maybe admit some things to the person that matters to him.

“Thanks, for the heads up Officer...I mean... Kochanski.” That was the first real thanks he ever gave to Kochanski, one that wasn't filled with blind reverence or hatred.

“I just want to say good luck and goodbye. If you two ever decide to come back, I won't be here anymore. Maybe we can meet again in some other universe.” Kochanski chest feels like a stone slab rests on it but her head feels in danger of floating off.. She is kinda afraid to leave and what leaving can mean.

“Hey Rimmer, Lister wasn't strong enough to see me off. I know this is asking much, but, can you stay with me. I don't want to die alone. I know I'm already dead but this is like a second death. I don't have family anymore and I know you don’t-”

“I will. I know I'm not who you want, but I will endeavor to be an adequate companion for your send off.” Kochanski huffed out a laugh. Rimmer and his funny way with words. He gets so formal when he's nervous. Rimmer and Kochanski sat on her tiny bed. Rimmer carefully folded his hands into his lap and held himself in a perfect 90 degree angle. It wasn’t Lister’s sweet words or cuddles, but it gave Kochanski a wave of familiar comfort. 

It was almost instantaneous. One moment Kochanski was there, and the next moment gone. The heat from her took a bit longer to dissipate. The space on the bed, where she sat, was still warm for a few more seconds. Rimmer will tell no one, but he placed his hands where she sat and kept them there until the sheet was cold.

Resolute with himself and his decisions Rimmer tries to exit the program. And tries again. But he soon finds himself stuck in Fiji.

Outside of the program both Cat and Kryten are on the Red Dwarf. They have Starbug in the waiting bay and are locked in the Alexandria’s orbit.

Kryten was getting quite exasperated. “Mr. Cat I am feeling quite exasperated. You have been in your walk-in closet for two hours now. You could not have possibly got lost in such a space after the paisley purge of ‘09. I don't like leaving Mr. Lister by himself. What if he wakes us to find us gone? Him abandoned! Hungry!” He started sobbing grotesquely and bashing his head on the metal doorway.

Cat was less than pleased. “Why do that gotta worry about Lister? It's not as if some rogue mechanoids are invading the Alexandria, right now, and taking Lister as a hostage.”

Not too far away some rogue mechanoids are boarding the Alexandria.


	11. Chapter 11

Now to say that the mechanoids was taking Lister hostage is a gross exaggeration. All the hard work was already done for them, Lister was lying supine in his chair and totally out of it. No grappling him to submission. They went to work and tied up Lister with some spare rope.

Meanwhile in Fiji, Rimmer was looking very much like a constipated ostrich strutting around Kochanski’s hut. No matter what he tried; hopping on one leg, squinting his right eye, or flaring his nostrils; he couldn’t find a way out.  
Then the horrible realization struck him, he was already dead. So what happens when a hologram of an already dead person, who is in the program no less, also joins the program? Is there a system error? Rimmer doesn’t think this is what the original programmer had in mind, then again Rimmer keeps finding himself in countless stupid situations.This was the state in which Lister found Rimmer. 

One glance was enough for Lister to relax, he didn’t realize how hard he was clenching his jaw. “Rimmer!” Lister shouted. Rimmer whips at a neck breaking speed, loses his balance, and almost swallows his tongue. He lands on the bed messily. He owlishy blinked up at Lister, feeling a bit like a tiny Cat was jack-hammering on his spleen.

“Lister, I came here to bring you back to the team, but by the time I got your location you already left.” Rimmer falls back to his old defences. “I mean, I wasn’t worried. You always get out of some scrap and I really think we should have just left you in here.”

Lister wasn’t fooled for a minute.“I know you’re lying, Rimsy,” Lister said with a smile soppy as a butt of bread drenched in a sea of gazpacho “It’s fine to say that you need me, because I sure need you. Our team is incomplete without you.”

Rimmer was in danger of flaring his nostrils straight off. He has to show it to himself and his other self that he wasn’t some spineless second rate smeghead. So he practically spat out, “I love you!” And he immediately regretted it. At least he can now shut down in piece. 

“You love me? Well you have a fine way of showing it, acting like a total smeghead.” Rimmer was used to be berated towards but Lister’s words seemed to cut him the deepest.

Rimmer wants to defend himself so he says,“We all have our moments, mine are not as bad as they used to be. And telling you this is the first time I ever said those words. And you don’t have to say it back or even feel it back; I know I’m not as intelligent as Kochanski or great with people like you. But I want you to know that I really do love you.

“It’s not the love you have for Kochanski, not that it isn’t just as powerful, but it’s the fact I feel things differently. It’s not a constant feelings, you’re not always on my mind.”

Lister scroffs and crossed his arms. “Thanks for that one mate.”

Rimmer bunched into himself, he knows he smegged up something. “No, listen. I’m not obsessed about you like you are with Kochanski; it would scare me if all my thoughts were about you. I love you in small bursts, everyday. I love you when you smile at me with those chipmunk cheeks. I love you when you squint your eyes real tight when you are excited about a new holovid. I love you when you come over to bother me because you know that I really need the company. Even when I’m not the nicest, or the most interesting, or the most useful of the group.”

Lister threw his arms out towards Rimmer, Rimmer flinched. “Not every thought is about Kochanski you know, right? I was a bit focused on her while we were dating and losing her, without saying a proper goodbye, really hurt. And even though she is here, I can stay with her in this paradise, I chose to leave. I only came back for you.”

Rimmer lost his defensive stance in his shock, his mouth hanging open. He let out a broken, “What?”

“Kochanski was right, she usually is; it was probably why we never worked out in this timeline. I mean, I still love her, but I also have the ability to love another...you. You aren’t worthless, you aren’t stupid. You came here, for ME. You didn’t think whether or not you could leave this program by yourself. You just jumped in to bring me back. Holly brought you back for a reason. I know your mission is to keep me from going insane, but don’t stress over it. Remember that I am held accountable for myself and you aren’t supposed to heal me. You challenge me and there is something about you that I wouldn’t mind to give a deeper look at. I want a chance to love again,” said Lister.

Lister tugs on Rimmer’s arms, Lister looks into his eyes, and smiles at him. Rimmer is scared, but so is Lister. Rimmer gives a soft smile back and whispers, “I love how soft you look. How cocky you are and I wish I could-”

Lister pulled Rimmer in for a kiss, warm and gentle. It was Rimmer’s first, which Rimmer felt a bit embarrassed about but decided to stop hating himself for, at least, this one moment.

Lister pulled back to give Rimmer a cheesy grin. “I thought you said you weren’t obsessing over me.”

Rimmer in a faux snide voice said, “On no, I have a very organized and color coded schedule made out. Obsessing over you is only from 1pm to 4pm, quite restraint; so, you can’t really count it as obsession.” That earned Rimmer a chuckle. “But kidding aside, Listy. I don’t show off my love like you do. I was taught early on to hide the things I loved lest they be held over me. But don’t think for a second that I’m indifferent.”

Rimmer pulls Lister back into a close embrace and goes back in to show his love through some steamy action. And Lister thought Rimmer was doing a damn good job.

Meanwhile, in the real world something serious was going down. Kryten was checking the display screen and flew up in horror to find a Tin Can Vessel, otherwise known as the Tin Men’s helmship. He thought they gave up their dastardly deeds eons ago. He must gather Cat and board Starbug now. If not Lister might be harmed, if improperly unplugged his link might be corrupted and keep him in the program.


End file.
